It’s never enough

I’m sitting in the kitchen tonight, trying to wrap my head around what’s left to do before we leave.  To be quite honest, I’m feeling very overwhelmed.  We’ll be sharing this Sunday at our church about what we’ll be doing with The Charis Project in Thailand.  I’m attempting to sell our minivan to offset the fees for the truck that I’m purchasing in Chiang Mai through a friend there.  There are still(!) photos that need to be scanned and less than three weeks to do this.  I need to renew my RN License online.  Our son, whose birthday occurs on the day we leave for Thailand, is celebrating his birthday this weekend, so there are still preparations for that.  Add into the mix that I still need to go to work two more days this week before the day of the party.  I am hearing an overwhelmingly resounding message that I just am not enough, don’t have enough, there won’t be enough….  you get the idea.

Would you like to buy my van?  It's great for road trips and hauling lumber :D
Would you like to buy my van? It’s great for road trips and hauling lumber 😀

I think there’s freedom in this message somewhere…  I think, deep down, we always know we’ll never be enough.  But somehow, through the busyness of our modern lives, the crammed schedules and the relative success of the tasks we do day in and day out, we begin to believe the lie that we are “enough” for _______.  That’s where the trap lies.  It is at that point, when I believe that I am enough, that I become a slave to “being enough.”  That’s when failure becomes my worst enemy, because being enough means I can’t fail.

Have I mentioned how much I loathe scanning photos?
Have I mentioned how much I loathe scanning photos?

I’ve been here many times before.  I suppose this vicious cycle is really just a post-modern understanding of the Christian idea for sin.  Instead of the view that we are doing or not doing the right or wrong things, we start to look at our actions in terms of independence vs. interdependence.  Whether we’re trusting in God or depending on a close friend, we begin to see that life was never meant to be lived alone (ie: being enough).  This is where I see that life isn’t about the negatives, the long lists of “thou shall nots”.  Rather, life is about the possibilities for Good that each item on my list (or your list) can hold.

A very simple gift for our son, but I know it will make him feel loved.  Also, I don't know if we'll find these in Thailand, so it's better to buy them now.
A very simple gift for our son, but I know it will make him feel loved. Also, I don’t know if we’ll find these in Thailand, so it’s better to buy them now.

Let me put it this way. Being raised in the church, my take away was that Jesus died for our sins and that I’m supposed to strive to live a perfect life because of this great sacrifice.  But what the Bible actually says is this: “You have been freed for freedom.”  Translation: You are not enough, that’s okay, now live your life.  This turns everything on its head.  My fears about failing to sell my van become a challenge to embrace and the promise of something learned.  Scanning photos, while still something I would rather not do, is a way to bless my wife (since most of those memories on paper are hers).  And preparing for my son’s birthday is now my act of love and appreciation for my amazing boy who I am so very proud of.

This may or may not have helped take the edge off of the pressure I felt at the beginning of the night.  Special thanks to Trader Joe!
This may or may not have helped take the edge off of the pressure I felt at the beginning of the night. Special thanks to Trader Joe!

Being enough just isn’t a “thing”.  Never was, never will be.  Self-sufficiency is overrated.  And it has no place in the Good Life.  The name of this blog is ironic: DIYtheGoodLife.  The truth is that you can’t do it yourself.  And that’s okay.  You were never meant to.

One Comment Add yours

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s